Thoughts on domestic violence from Baltimore to the U.S. Military to Cleveland and back to Baltimore
So we've come to this.
They say that pyromania and cruelty to animals are the two telltale signs of serial killers. I'll say something even more obvious - violence against women denigrates the society we live in and our inability (or unwillingness) to protect them is tearing right at the fabric of our society. We're teaching our kids from their earliest days that not only is violence against women normal, it is also accepted and permissible...and this shit has got to stop.
Where to begin?
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RIP Katie Hadel (1979-2013) |
Let's start in my homeland of Baltimore County. Sadly and tragically, three months months ago a girl I went to high school with; was friends with; hung out most weekends with; Katie Hadel, was murdered by some loser who unsuccessfully tried to date her since the 7th grade. I also knew this guy back then and I could always tell he was up to no good. This was no great insight of mine, all of my friends who knew him always kept him at arms length as well. I didn't and don't know any particulars about his family, his upbringing or his circumstances but he was always trouble. Yet despite Katie obtaining several restraining orders against him over the years and receiving various threats from him while he was still incarcerated, she was ultimately unable to stop him from physically entering her house and murdering her in front of her children.
Read more on the story on the preventable murder of Katie Hadel
I bring this up because this week has been a particularly bad one for domestic violence, abuse and torture of women across the United States.
For starters, there's a new report which shows more than 7,000 estimated cases of sexual assault in the US military from 2011 to 2012 (26,000 in 2012 vs 19,000 in 2011). Should we be surprised?
Read more on the sexual assault crisis in the U.S. military
From there we get to Cleveland, Ohio where Ariel Castro illegally abducted and imprisoned three girls over the past ten years.
Read more here on the long and sordid history of kidnapper Ariel Castro
Among all of the sundry and godawful details and storylines that came out of the heroic rescue by Charles Ramsay and Angel Cordero one thing stood out to me. It's this quote by Ramsay:
"So, you know, I figured it was a domestic-violence dispute" - Charles Ramsay
This statement reveals so much of what we already know and/or assume - and it goes along with black on black crime - that American society expects domestic violence so therefore when it occurs it doesn't really shock us into thoughtful or meaningful action. Let me say that again, as a society we have come to expect domestic violence therefore we become inured to it and fail to act proactively to help prevent it or in the case of anti-Charles Ramsay's out there, there are those who will not get in the middle of neighbor's domestic dispute because it's not any of their business. Well, I'm saying that that attitude has to cease.
Look, we have t-shirts affectionately named wife beaters (of which I will be the first to accept having used in daily vernacular in the past but no longer) and then we, as men, consume all of this bullshit that somehow women ask for it or even worse that these damn women make the shit up. Of course women consume this bullshit too, which is why in the aforementioned case of the rise of sexual assaults in the U.S. military we have staggering numbers of estimated assaults but much smaller actual reported cases. In fact, as that article states we have 6% of those 26,000 cases that are actually reported (or 3,374 out of the approximate 26,000).
Why are women afraid in the military (and in all of society) to report said crimes? It's because most believe people will not take them seriously - and can we blame them for that? Of course there are fabricated sexual assaults (see 2006 Duke University lacrosse scandal) but the very fact that a small percentage of abuse claims could be, and are, warrantless does not dismiss the overwhelming and abundant evidence of gross violence perpetrated on women by men. I mean are 26,000 U.S. military servicewomen just making shit up? Of course not.
Back to Cleveland and quoting from the above cited article above from the Cleveland Scene magazine:
"Castro broke his ex-wife’s nose and ribs, dislocated her
shoulders, knocked out one of her teeth and battered her so hard that a blood
clot formed on her brain, according to filings in court. In an interview with
investigators after the fact, Castro denied ever being abusive toward her". Naturally, rather than being arrested for
assault and battery much less attempted murder, he was charged with
disorderly conduct. I mean what is wrong with the American justice system?
Why doesn't our justice system take life-threatening domestic
violence seriously? Treating domestic violence as the crime it is on the books
could have protected this man's wife, his daughters, and the three young women
he eventually kidnapped.
When we allow women to be beaten in any situation, we
are allowing more violence against women in every situation. Look no further than my friend Katie Hadel.
How was Ariel Castro never thrown in jail?
Luckily, at least those three women are still alive. Going forward - how do we as a society protect women? Clearly there is a disconnect between the justice system and the prevention of violence. Is the Cleveland PD negligent? Were Castro's neighbors negligent? Maybe laws need to be written and judges need to sign more court orders so that the cops that never got an answer at Castro's door after fifteen or twenty knocks could actually go in and investigate?
At some point the cops and the legal system saying that our hands are tied is not enough for the victims (female and male) of all this violence.
How will Katie's (and the hundreds or thousands of other children who lose their mothers to this type of violence) kids grow up under such trauma?
What do I take away from the article? It's this:
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James Smith and Kendra Diggs in happier times |
"The minute he fired at that young lady and our police officers — he was treated as a suspect," Guglielmi said.
Does anybody else see the faulty logic recurring here? How do we proactively deal with men who are threatening women? Why does it take a fucking gunshot to the head until they treat the man as a suspect? I know in this case the "suspect" is a police officer but let's not pretend that corrupt cops only exist in comic books, movies and Noir crime fiction.
We need to start teaching kids that is never okay to lay your hands on a woman. I know the NRA would say we need more guns to defend "our" women but I'm of the opinion that de-escalation is key to preventing homicidal situations but what do I know...
It seems to me that we need to change the way laws are written so that men who are threatening women cannot lay their hands on them. In the case of my old friend Katie Hadel, all the cops can say is "hey, we couldn't do anything more". Did they not know he was writing threatening letters from the bowels of their own institutions? We spy on our own innocent citizens, can we not spy on our inmates? I think its high time we start to proactively address domestic violence instead of the typical American reactionary (i.e. too late to save a life) bullshit.
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Thank you NRA for affirming our manly priorities |
If anyone has any good ideas how to make this a reality please let me know and maybe we can start something. All I know is I am sick to my stomach losing women when the perpetrators have already been accused and yet cops have no legal recourse to act preemptively or just straight up fail to do so.
Lastly, what cannot be overcome physically and materially we must battle philosophically and ideologically. By this I mean, and am referring to the ex-girlfriend shooting dummy unveiled at an NRA convention in Houston last week.
Read more on the NRA vendor's 'Ex' shooting target
It is precisely this type of haywire masculinity and its ultimately destructive thought processes that feed into an American culture of domestic violence. It's time to take steps to revolt against this backwards male dominated culture and let the "men" out there that perpetrate such hate face some accountability for their violent at worst, careless and juvenile at best, behavior.
Thanks for reading.
-PPG